Being in a relationship is a choice and a commitment


Being in a relationship is a choice and a commitment

People tend to be inconsistent. They change just as we change. It creates in us an uncertainty in trusting people – or even ourselves. But, when you move up from uncertainty, you choose what is and all of what is; that is when you realize the natural perfection of what naturally exists (Smothermon, 1982, p.47). Every day, we make choices – whether we like it or not. With this in mind, we choose the response we are to make. As previously talked about, we are all unique. You cannot have a successful relationship in uncertainty or below. To move up from uncertainty, where you can have a working relationship, you must be willing to choose a course in life, not because it is “right” and not because someone told you to choose it (a guru), but simply because you choose it (Smothermon, 1982).

Choosing is different from being swayed by emotions. Commitment is a choice (Selman, 2007). When we choose, we stand firm on it. We take our word and act on it. We should not be like an unstable man because an unstable man is unstable in all his ways (James 1:8). But, in choosing and in sticking to it, we get to be more stable in what we do.


When we perceive a person as a thing, we tend to lose sight of the real meaning of the relationship. We tend to look down on a person’s worth. We see that person as a thing to be possessed. This is the foundation stone of jealousy and accounts for possessiveness and insecurity in relationships; it is the most fundamental cause that those “special” relationships do not work (Smothermon, 1982, p.75).

Insecurity, rooted in a person’s individual self may manifest in a relationship. It might pose a big hindrance in both the transformation of the individual self and the relationship self. Obviously jealousy and possessiveness have no place in a transformed relationship unless you hold it in a way that validates and contributes to the relationship (Smothermon, 1982).

In relationships, most especially between a man and a woman, there will still be times when one party gets jealous. As Smothermon had put it, notice that I did not say that there is not a place for jealousy and possessiveness in a transformed relationship. The mind is a simple machine. By the time an experience, such as jealousy occurs, it is too late for you to do anything about it. Since we live in continuous successive moments of now, if you have jealousy, then jealousy is what you have. Your only choice, which is the only choice you ever have anyway, is the way in which you hold your jealousy (Smothermon, 1982).

You should hold this jealousy in such a way that would transform the relationship to a level of trust and understanding – as an effective partner. You trust and enter relationships and intimacy, but keep your sense of self intact (Budd & Rothestein, 2000). Language also plays a vital role in upholding relationships. Effective use of language allows people to become aware of themselves and others and builds trust and intimacy (Budd & Rothestein, 2000). It is always a good practice to try to understand and clear things first before being fully consumed by feelings of jealousy.


As Smothermon has written it, to have an enlightened, contextual way of holding your relationships which yields joy and satisfaction, one has to give up the idea that he is an individual in a relationship, and his individuality as a mere position within the relationship. This takes him out of the position/opposition bind and the price he pays is that he does not get to be right in your many opinions and judgments. When an issue comes up for resolution, he is no longer stuck with defending his position, rather he is free to look and see what the position or viewpoint of the relationship is, that is what works in the relationship rather than what makes you right and the other person wrong. This process is called, surrendering into the relationship (Smothermon, 1982).

When we surrender into a relationship, we begin to open our mind to what our partner has to say. To surrender, we let go of our fears of being in a relationship. As we let go of our fears, we begin to trust each other in the context of being in a relationship.

Have you been looking for an open door to be used for the Lord’s Kingdom? Won’t it benefit you to operate in the prophetic in all areas of your life. This year, I want to gift you this FREE Course and experience the Power of Prophecy as a gift to open your mind to receive the Mind of Christ.

Are you continuing on meeting people whom you can trust to help you in fulfilling it?

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