Human beings, by nature, have an innate need to belong. This is true for children, as well as for adults. Tom Connor (2006) narrated of a time when he was young when he always intended to be in a club. How many of you can relate? The more exclusive and restricted the club was, the greater our desire to get in. The more we sought ingress, the greater the power the club has over us. However, once you get into the club, the club’s exclusivity seems to vanish.

As we grow older, nothing much has changed. We intend to belong. We don’t just intend to belong; we intend to belong to a group that defines us. Most of the time, we intend to be affiliated to an exclusive and a prestigious group because it says something about our identity, doesn’t it? The more prestigious the group; the more you will feel important; the more you will feel chosen.

Connor described how closed doors and velvet ropes, gatekeepers, and membership committees enthrall us. What is it about exclusivity that draws us in? Connor asks, “Is our need to belong so great that it trumps self-respect? Yes, of course! And not just belong, but belong to something just far enough above our regular stations so as to elevate our opinion of ourselves, if not others.”


Nancy Zapolski pointed out to this behavior to surface in order to get something we think we need or intend at a particular time. Our in-order-to strategies deal with such concerns. We carry it forward with no awareness of why or that it is just who/how we are.

But don’t you see? The way we are programmed to think is something short of selfish. Even our desire to be a part of a group is mostly and usually because we intend something for ourselves. Seldom does our desired group membership display an intention to serve others, nonetheless to create a world that works for you and me.

Nevertheless, there is something in our inner beings that gives us the desire to belong. It is who we are created to be. There is a need to see this version of yourself, as a group. “You as a group” is a perspective that we intend to understand in the context of transformation.




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